The pregnancy wasn't that bad as far as actual symptoms go! (pregnancy in the summer in Arizona is always a little yucky- I would know, I've done it 4 times!) I had to battle a little with low blood pressure leading to light-headedness, fainting spells, nausea and low energy. But as aforementioned the worse symptom I carried was my extreme anxiety. When I was 34 weeks I went to Mexico to visit my dad. It was a wonderful trip. I came home tired and had to pack and leave again for pom camp. I knew at camp I would be up late and up early, walking a lot, handling 14 teenagers, driving a bus etc... and I couldn't keep my heart from pounding out of my chest. I asked Jarom for a blessing the morning I was leaving. It was an amazing experience. As he spoke, I had a clear vision come in my mind. It was of Peter, walking on the water toward Jesus Christ. I could see the storm raging around him and how terrifying it must have been. But he focused on the Christ and he was able to walk on water. When he faltered, he called out to Him for help, and Christ lifted him. This image would prove to be a calming influence for me in the weeks preceding delivery. I thought of it often when the anxiety would arise and I even bought a postcard with a depiction of it to take with me when I went into labor.
Another small tender mercy came at 37 weeks. Driving to my appointment I started once again to battle with myself in my mind. I always tried to tell myself I am fine, I'm stronger than this, don't let the anxiety win but no matter what I did, I always had a pounding heart, shaky hands and shaky emotions. Suddenly the song that I used to play for Grandpa Larson on his guitar came into my mind. (Love can Build a Bridge). I started to sing it outloud and then this peace came over me. I realized that my Grandpa Larson would be there. He would be there every step of the way when I had his little Mallory Amanda. My Grandpa Taylor would probably be there too as he was with me right by my side when I lost our last baby. How could I ask for more? Two giants in my life who had the most calming influence on me of all things on the earth would be right there watching over me and my baby. So once again when anxiety would arise, I would picture myself in church laying on my grandpa's shoulder twisting around his CTR ring on his chubby, wrinkled finger- the ultimate comfort.
Last Sunday I went to church, taught a young women lesson, ate dinner, visited with family at my moms and went home like any other Sunday. Around 10:45 or so my mom called about something and we were chit-chatting for a bit. As soon as I hung up the phone (or perhaps a little during the call), I started to tremble. I couldn't keep my teeth from chattering. At first I thought it was my anxiety again. I tried to calm myself down: lavender oil, tv show, laying on my left etc... but I was shaking pretty hard core and just knew something felt different. I had had tons of contractions toward the end of this pregnancy and was feeling a few but nothing intense. I am surprised how definite of a decision I made in that instant! Normally I would fret for way longer. About 5 minutes from hanging up with my mom I got up and told Jarom we need to go to the hospital. He was kind of surprised but extremely supportive. He asked if I wanted to pack anything (I was still 11 days from my due date and didn't have a bag packed for myself or anything). I said nope I want to go right now. So Jarom called my mom as I grabbed my Peter/Christ picture and headed to the truck. My mom was so shocked because I had said nothing during our conversation haha... she came right over to spend the night with the kiddos. I think we all thought I would be coming home that night.
When I got to the hospital she checked me and I was still a 3 (as I had been on the prior Thursday). I was having contractions every 3 minutes and some of them started to get painful. They let me contract it out for an hour to see if I was progressing. At about 2 am they said I hadn't really progressed much and they would most likely send me home. BUT the doc on call (Dr. Layton) decided because I had felt something wasn't right he should do an ultrasound before I go. I am grateful for a doctor that listens to the mom! We know our bodies! During the ultrasound she wasn't moving. I could see a little concern in Jarom's eyes (he is an ultrasound tech so he can see everything). But we didn't talk about it. When we got back to triage, the nurse said that she scored a 6 of 8 on her bio-physical profile and due to that and the contractions they were going to keep me and help this baby come out! She checked me then and I was a 4 so I think I really just had a reaction to my labor starting because dilating a cm in an hour usually means active labor. They hooked me up to some Pitocin (yucky stuff but I wanted her out quick since she wasn't moving in the ultrasound). Not too long after that I got an epidural, completely avoiding very much pain- minus the epidural itself :) From there we just waited... poor Jarom slept because he had worked the night before and had gone to church so he was running on no sleep. Somewhere in the middle of it all I started to feel extremely nauseous. Then the blood pressure cuff started to squeeze- sure enough the result was 64 over 42. Dang blood pressure! No wonder I felt so hot, faint, and nauseous! I called the nurse in. She was so awesome, she didn't freak out she just calmly said- "oh looks like you are relaxing a little too much, let me go get some medicine for you". She used her quick feet and was back in a flash. It helped right away and that was really the only incident.
My mom and Rach got there around 9am. I was still only about 5 1/2 and my water had broke. They went down to grab some food and I gave them updates, all the while Jarom was snoozing. They checked me again and I was a 7 (this was around 12 or just after). About 5 minutes after that I felt pressure and the need to push. I called the nurse back in and sure enough, I was complete! I called back and Rachel and mom were freaking out as they were rushing back to the room! I was trying to wake Jarom to tell him and the nurse said to just wait for the doctor. It must have seemed so quick to him! A little nap and then when he woke up, doctor was gowned up ready to go! The nurse told me to do a small push to see how close she was. She immediately stopped me saying she was right there ready to make her debut. We waited a few more minutes for Dr. Beck. They told me to push and I did and wah lah- the head was out and he was suctioning. One more half a push and there she was!! Tons of dark hair just like I had imagined. So beautiful and perfect in every way. I can't describe my joy!
Mallory Amanda was born at 12:40pm, 7lbs 9oz, 20 inches and perfect. I totally cried of course. It was fun to have my mom, Rach and Jenni in there. (Jenni was on facetime). And of course my Jarom. We were both so happy to see her. The kids came in later that day so ecstatic to meet their little sister. Taylor is especially enamored- constantly hugging, kissing, clobbering... it is so fun to have older kids to love on her. Since then we have just been laying low getting used to things. I couldn't ask for a better baby. She is such a good nurser, only cries when she is hungry, and sleeps a ton. I love our nighttime snuggles and the transition so far hasn't been so bad! I am sure there will be some chaotic days with 4 kids but for now I have had tons of help. My mom has been a champion, running kids to and from school (they started the day after I got home from the hospital), cleaning, organizing... oh yeah I forgot to mention that a month ago our house had been destroyed by a toilet flood. It was almost done when I went into the hospital but none of our stuff had been put back in the damaged areas so I came home to a wreck (which of course sent me into some tears that night). But my house is pristine now with my mama on it! And everything is new so its a blessing in disguise! Rachel has been so helpful too. Jenni is coming on Tuesday and my mother-in-law the next Monday so I am super spoiled and have a while before I realize how it is on my own with 4!
I am so grateful for this whole experience. I hope that it has made me stronger. I hope sharing it will help others who may deal with similar emotions. Experiencing the miracle of life has no equal. We love our little Mallory and hope to be the best parents we can be for her.
.JPG)
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