Grandpa Taylor- saying goodbye

6 weeks ago my grandpa suffered a fall. He gashed his head pretty good. They stitched him up and sent him home and he seemed to be alright. The next day he began to struggle to remember, he seemed out of it so they took him back. As the days passed he became worse and pain overtook his body. As soon as we heard of his condition, Selle, Rachel me and my mom made arrangements and went down to see him. When we got there I was overcome with emotion. I had never before seen my Grandpa Taylor laying down in a bed. It says so much about him. I only had seen him dressed in his Cowboy shirts (perfectly pressed), his suspenders, slacks and black shoes (the ones he cut holes in to make them more comfortable), or boots. His hair was always tidy, he was always spry, sharp as a tack, and energetic. He struggled at the beginning of our visit to wake up and talk to us but later in the afternoon, he woke up and spoke to us very clearly, calling us by name and contributing to conversation. We even put dad on Skype and he was able to talk to him too. It was a very emotional day. So grateful we went, so grateful for those moments.

The next weekend we had planned a little Taylor reunion with my siblings and mom but with grandpa in this condition, we thought it better to return to Thatcher and stay in a hotel so Jenni and the twins could visit with him. By now he was worse. But when Jenni walked in he woke up and said "Nenny!" I also heard him express love for Selle, my mom, the twins and Rachie. Then just before we left I leaned down to say good bye and told him "Its your Mellie!" He looked right at me and said, "Mellie! mellie!" We were told those were his last lucid moments. He died one day and half later. When my aunts went to tell Nana he had passed away in the middle of the night, she said she already knew. She was his beloved and he had come to hold her and be with her.

My heart is so heavy with sorrow and love. I have the fondest of memories with my grandpa. He loved so completely in his life. He loved my Nana so much. They had the kind of love that hardly exists. He loved my dad so much. I could feel it everytime he spoke his name. I knew he loved me. Everytime I saw him I would get a comment like, "ooohhh Mellie (insert whistle) you are so pretty, just beautiful, tan bonita eres!" He really made me feel so special. I will miss his besos so much. I loved the way he laughed, the way he talked, his cowboy stories, everything about him. He led a great life, he was a very special man. He is so so so missed. Jenni wrote a wonderful memoir (it can be read on her blog, link is to the right). It reminded me of all of things I love about grandpa. She has a way of describing every detail in her writing, so much so that I feel like I am back in my memories. Her poem and my sweet grandpa inspired me to write this poem:

Grandpa, my grandpa can you really be gone?
Those calloused, soft hands, those deep pretty songs?  
That open-mouthed chuckle, the grin on your face,
Oh how I'll miss your “besos”, your embrace.

There was never a man more manly and brave,
than my cowboy grandpa in his Brut aftershave.
Tall in stature but taller in Spirit,
his song carries on, with new ears to hear it.

His dad, his sons, and a mother to meet,
For his beloved he'll wait and someday greet.
His love for her so perfect and true,
Leaves a pretty hard legacy to live up to.

But I hope to live as best I can,
To hear him sing “Cielito Lindo” again.
I hope he knows the mark he left,
On all of us who knew that WE were the favorite.

I picture him riding a big pretty paint,
So tall in his saddle, running without faint.
Each tear that I cry, I can almost feel him dry,
His happy outlook on life runs through my mind.

So I'll buck up, jump back on the saddle again,
And think of him often and what a blessing it’s been
To have him, to hear him, to look him in the eye,
and now, just for now we will say goodbye.
With a promise so sure from heaven above,
that we'll meet him again and always feel his love.

The funeral was wonderful. It was nice seeing all of our Taylor cousins and aunts and uncles whom we were so close to as children. It was good to hug Nana and express our love to her. Selle read a tribute from my dad at the funeral. It was pretty tough for him to do but he delivered it so well. I almost felt like my dad was standing there. My dad wrote it so beautifully. My dad is amazing. He is so humble, so much like his dad in so many ways. Here is what he wrote:

It is extremely difficult to say good bye to my loving father, my lifelong hero, and my very best friend.  I feel very fortunate to say that my dad represented all of the above to me.  From the time I was a small boy, I idolized him in every way.  It wasn’t by chance that I inherited his love of basketball, ranching, horses, etc., all of which he excelled in.  He had an amazing skill with horse training and developed many fine horses, including his beloved Bow, Cuadrito, Espejo, and Pepper, among others.  He was a superb horseman and could out rope and outride any cowboy on the ranch.  He had a unique ability to be very gentle, yet firm at the same time with not only his horses but people as well.  He was always loved and respected by people from all walks of life.  Despite his great size and strength, he was always so kind and gentle and always amazed me with his humility.  To know him was to love him. 

One thing I definitely inherited from my dad was his dislike of mechanics and his assembly skills.  One of my earliest recollections was in Colonia Juarez when he was trying to change a tire with a new bumper jack when they first came out.  After several unsuccessful attempts he simply grabbed the jack and through it as far as he could down the hill.  On another occasion when Dad and I were going to a ranch named Agua Dulce, my mother bought us a brand new Coleman stove to cook on.  After about an hour taking turns trying to figure out how to use the stove, Dad finally grabbed it and threw it in the corner and we ended up cooking on a campfire.  There was also the Christmas when he and I were attempting to put together bicycles for my little brothers Lamar and Carlos.  After many “dang it’s and doggone its” we finally finished but had a handful of bolts and screws leftover.  We both worried the bikes would fall apart as soon as the boys rode them.  My dad was a living example of faith and prayers.  I can’t even count the times that due to his and others faith and prayers he recovered from serious illnesses and injuries.    He loved the gospel and church with all his heart and always tried to do what’s right.  Many, many times we prayed for rain on the ranch and witnessed answers to these prayers.  Dad’s kindness and generosity was widely known.  Even when he was struggling financially he would help anyone who came to his door in need.  He found it extremely hard to turn anyone down. 

                One of our cowboys on the ranch passed away after a horse accident leaving a wife and an infant boy.  Dad took care of them financially until she remarried.  Approximately two and a half years later the boy’s grandmother called to say the boys’ mother had also passed away.  Dad got up early the next day and went to pick up the little boy.  I still remember him walking into the house in Colonia Juarez with little Carlos in one arm and a bag of his clothes on the other.  He and mom informed us that Carlos was now a part of our family and we loved him dearly.  It is impossible to mention dad without including my dear mother.  They had their first date on Valentine’s day  75 years ago.  They have loved each other with all their hearts ever since that day.  It was a common occurrence to see Dad grab mom as she was walking by and sit her on his lap.  They have had an incredible relationship and are a perfect example of what a marriage should be.  I love you mom and I know that Dad would be watching over you and saying to everyone around, “Look how beautiful she is!”

I love my brothers and sisters and am so grateful to them.  I know how important Dad has been in all of of our lives.  He has touched all of us so deeply that it makes it difficult to let him go.  However I can only imagine the joy on the other side as my dad is reunited with his beloved father Loren LeRoy, his mother, and step-mothers, my two brothers, Stewart and Carlos, his sisters and all of the other loved ones that preceded him.  Dad’s influence on myself and others in this life will only be magnified many times over as we reflect upon the hereafter.  I, for one, have procrastinated the day of my repentance.  Last week I told my dad not to worry about me and I promised him I would get my life in order.  He responded to me saying, “That’s great, Son, that makes me happy.”  I now feel a sense of urgency that seemed to be lacking before.  I am going to keep the promise I made to Dad because I want to be reunited w ith him in the hereafter.  I want to let my wonderful sons and daughters, Jenni, Selle, Melanie, Tyrel, Travis, Rachel, and Arletta know that I love them very much and that I want us to be an eternal family.  I am so grateful for the plan of salvation.  Instead of saying goodbye to my hero and best friend, I will only say, “See ya later, Dad.”  I pray that each one of us will be comforted knowing that Dad is no longer suffering and is very happy being reunited with  loved ones.

They retired his favorite palomino horse and as I watched it walk down the dirt with Grandpa's saddle I really felt the great loss we just experienced.

I am so grateful for the plan of salvation. How do people get through death without the knowledge of it? I know my grandpa is having joyful reunions on the other side. I love him and always will remember him. His legacy will be shared with our little ones and will live on forever.