My thoughts on 2 to 3

I've been contemplating my life right now, all kinds of deep thoughts up in here! I've decided why the transition from 2 to 3 kids is so hard. Any shred of selfishness you have been able to hang on to with having two, is yanked from you, like a child losing their favorite blankie, you finally have to grow up. You finally realize your life is not your own right now. There is way less predictability, way less time to yourself, way less organization and know-it-all ness. The party's over! That may come off as negative but its actually been amazing. Amazing that its so hard somedays, just when you think it can't get any harder it does. Amazing that you actually do a good job other days! Yes I am amazed at myself sometimes! Amazing what a large presence our family is now! When we show up somewhere, you know we are there thats for sure. Amazing how our older kids are seeming so much older each day. Amazing what a wonderful patriarch Jarom is becoming. What's really amazing is when I put this all into Gospel perspective. The whole idea of progression in this life just makes so much sense now. The image of turbulent water smoothing the rough stone... trials making us stronger... being stretched to what we think is our limit and then taken further on borrowed energy... its so clear now. So THATS how mothers of 5, 7, 12 do it! Line upon line! I look back at things that I thought were hard at the time, like the post I made in 2006 about me in the heat with Lydi trying to advertise for dance class and her pooping out etc... well that was tough at the time! I remember crying that day! Now I think- oh to have one child that pooped on me... that would be easy! Not that I am so above that, I still think going from no kids to 1 was a pretty tough transition and remember so clearly the emotions I felt and the trials I experienced trying to give up my old life and become a mom. What I'm going through is similar, just a new level of craziness. I love my kids so much and am so grateful for the refinement process. I need this. I am a pretty impatient person and my late nights with Taylor and early mornings with Jack are teaching me patience and repentance! Repentance for those nights and mornings when I'm not so patient... and thank heavens for my husband. Much respect to single moms out there. Each day I figure how to do things with 3 a little better. (still haven't figured out the showering/getting ready process so I'm not the prettiest mother of 3 lately) But I read something in the Ensign from the May 2009 conference from Sister Beck. She said she makes her to do list in 3 categories: "must do", "should do" and "would like to do". Its all about prioritizing, I like that. This was definitley a "would like to do" and I have some "must do's" waiting for me... oh and one last thought: I am so grateful for conference, so yeah I had to turn up the volume over Taylor's screams and I caught every other word on Saturday but it brought a peace into my house. And now thanks to DVR I can take my time filling in the gaps from the weekend. But I don't know what I would do without guidance from Heavenly Father whether it be in personal prayer, talks with Jarom, church, or straight from the Prophet... it keeps me going, keeps me happy and keeps me changing and trying to be better.